Hey all,
I cant believe its been two weeks today since arriving in South Africa. I have been meaning to blog but I decided to wait as I slowly took in the experience. What I can say is wow! being at Hands at work in South Africa has been more than I could have ever wished or imagined. I have been trying to put into words and to be honest I am struggling. There is so much has gone on in the past two weeks, both physically, emotionally , spiritually its been full and its only been two weeks! so ill try paint the best picture of what my experience looks like so let me start at the beginning........
I left the UK on the 17th of February 2014. This was the moment I have been waiting and praying for over a year now. Being at the airport checking in was a mixture of emotions from stress (of course I over packed and had to repack at the airport! lol), sadness, excitement, anxiety, anticipation and expectation all at once. As I said goodbye to my family, I looked back with my heart in my mouth wondering when would be the next time I would be able to physically see them, hug them, be at one place again. We are an incredibly close family and being apart doesn't do us justice. I pulled myself together to get through the security and as I waited to board the texts, phone calls streaming in realising my whole world will never be the same. As I headed to Dubai to visit family for a few days I was grateful for the break for the cousins around for the support.. I needed that time to prepare myself and I was grateful not to do it alone.
As I thought about what lay ahead my heart was torn in two. The goodbyes is the bit nobody can prepare you for how it tears at you but still knowing you must continue walking through it, knowing your heart is at peace in the promise and awaiting for your emotions to catch up. A good friend said to me its the void and emotions your feeling now as you give up what's in your hands but once we you arrive and take hold of what God has for you then the 'empty' feeling is filled with joy , excitement and thrill and all that this great adventure brings for you. That gave me great comfort and taught me a great lesson. You cant receive more when your hands are still full. I thank God I am in that place or at least making head-way in that direction. I am embracing my Hands at Work family, the experience of being out here with a great team, the lessons am learning, the stories I hear and the challenges that that brings and most importantly allowing God to break my heart for them.
However, what surprised me is how much my eyes were being opened to what I have seen for years. Its like I am finally allowing myself to experience the reality of the hardships in life. Though I have had a pretty good up bring, born in a Christian home have incredible family cant say they experiences the most vulnerable and the poorest of the poor are facing I have not seen even in my very own extended/adopted family. I vividly remember our first Monday morning prayer meeting we have as a Hands family 8-9am. We were privileged to have a team from the UK who had been here for a couple weeks and were leaving the next day. As they shared their experiences, their hearts were broken not only for the most vulnerable but also for themselves the wounds within them that God was challenging and wanting to deal with. In their honesty, in their vulnerability , my heart was in pieces, God was already breaking me for the church, the vulnerable but also exposed my heart. I remember telling God its 8.50am!!! 8.50am!!! I've not been here for even an hour and already your messing me up! it wrecked me and left me at the throne of Grace to ask God for comfort, healing, strength and courage to continue in this journey as he continues to chip away at me.
As we went on to the Care point that afternoon where the children receive a nutritious meal and time to praise God, Pray and just be children. As we met the children as we heard the stories and as the week went on heard more and more stories of Care workers, Care givers it broke me. I didn't expect to be so broken as I realised that the stories am hearing were not new they've been in front of me for years but I was too young to understand. For those who don't know I grew in Kenya till the age of 12 when my family and I relocated to the UK. The reality of the child who loses her mother and has no father and is left to the grandmother to be cared for. The child who is abused by her relatives and has no where to run to . The boy who was raised up by her auntie and has never known a male role model. The woman who was offered a home after being estranged by her family because of having a child out of wedlock and marrying an older gentleman to survive. As we went to the communities, as we spoke with the Care workers, as we spoke to the children I realised this stories were my stories. That was once my cousin, my auntie , my neighbour, my friends. I battled within myself, why did I not see the extent of their pain, why didn't I love them more, why wasn't I the Jesus the needed to see. As I faced my life , my pain , my regret I run to the feet of Jesus. I cried for his mercies and for his forgiveness. I saw my own filth and God graciously gave me his righteousness. As I prayed for each one and prayed for their situation with a heavy heart, I was filled with peace knowing that though I cannot undo my mistakes I can make an effort to change by his grace alone.
Why I am sharing this with you, to encourage you and me that God does not wait for you to get it right to use you. He turns everything that was meant for evil for your good. It is these stories in my life that help me relate, love more, pray more, for the most vulnerable we care for here. It is these experiences that help me appreciate the incredible work our care workers do , visiting our children , knowing each one by name, being a voice for them, being the hands and feet of Jesus. It is these stories that remind how important it is just to be there, its not always about doing its about being and that's enough.
There is soo much more I want to tell you but at this point i challenge you , what's your story? How can God use what's in your hand? Dig deeper with God and see where the adventure takes you. Its not easy but it is incredibly beautiful!
Love you all , thank you for your prayers and support. I appreciate you more than you can imagine.
God Bless
Grace Kariuki
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Miss Grace w Kariuki
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